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Anna C's avatar

Darling Mel, yet again, I am in awe of your ability to write with such visceral clarity, about such a traumatic part of your life.

I realise now that although I knew a version of what was happening through the wall, my understanding was no where close to the actual horror you were experiencing.

You survived, your beauty shines on, and all of us that know and love you, thank the universe, the gods and of course our amazing NHS x

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Jackie H's avatar

Dearest Mel, Your wonderful heartfelt description of those awful side effects really resonates. Sending you and Sarah much love and feelgood wishes x

Whilst enduring chemo I read a great article with a quote which really struck me with its accuracy;

"There is a reason for this inarticulacy. Human beings have had no historical need to evolve language applicable to the sensation of being systematically poisoned. Such a vocabulary has never before been necessary, so it does not exist. Chemotherapy patients are therefore obliged to deploy a limited repertoire of familiar but hopelessly inadequate substitutes; words that can only approximate to the experience, but fail to convey anything of its true essence. So we say that we are tired, and feel weak; that we have no energy, or feel somehow unrecognisably unlike ourselves. What we really mean – and this doesn’t capture it either, but it’s the best I can do – is that we feel dead without having actually died. Chemotherapy strips away every last ounce of vitality or volition, until you are left only with the outward appearance of a living person. But you are a hollow husk, empty of all the essential constituents that make a person alive. It is a cruel irony that a drug designed to stop you dying makes you feel as if you have." (Decca Aitkenhead).

Here is a link to her poignant article:

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/jun/03/how-to-get-through-chemotherapy-decca-aitkenhead-cancer-treatment

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