Darling Mel, yet again, I am in awe of your ability to write with such visceral clarity, about such a traumatic part of your life.
I realise now that although I knew a version of what was happening through the wall, my understanding was no where close to the actual horror you were experiencing.
You survived, your beauty shines on, and all of us that know and love you, thank the universe, the gods and of course our amazing NHS x
Dearest you. I am glad to share it with you. It has taken this long to articulate it to myself. It is important to me personally and to the mission to spread awareness. 🩵🩵
Dearest Mel, Your wonderful heartfelt description of those awful side effects really resonates. Sending you and Sarah much love and feelgood wishes x
Whilst enduring chemo I read a great article with a quote which really struck me with its accuracy;
"There is a reason for this inarticulacy. Human beings have had no historical need to evolve language applicable to the sensation of being systematically poisoned. Such a vocabulary has never before been necessary, so it does not exist. Chemotherapy patients are therefore obliged to deploy a limited repertoire of familiar but hopelessly inadequate substitutes; words that can only approximate to the experience, but fail to convey anything of its true essence. So we say that we are tired, and feel weak; that we have no energy, or feel somehow unrecognisably unlike ourselves. What we really mean – and this doesn’t capture it either, but it’s the best I can do – is that we feel dead without having actually died. Chemotherapy strips away every last ounce of vitality or volition, until you are left only with the outward appearance of a living person. But you are a hollow husk, empty of all the essential constituents that make a person alive. It is a cruel irony that a drug designed to stop you dying makes you feel as if you have." (Decca Aitkenhead).
Jackie. Gosh. This is the essence of the living dying that we experience. I would say ‘feel’ but we do not feel. Crikey. What a shambles chemo is. Thank you so very much for your experienced response, your words and above all your friendship. 🙏🏽
Every one of your tales about your ordeal is heart wrenching, especially for those of us who have experienced VERY similar ones in our loved ones. (an ex boyfriend, first. Then, my husband). The former passed away, the latter is alive, happy and shining just like you, and this is what I find so moving and touching, too: that you are here, shining, alive and bubbling with new hope and life! Stay positive and let a tribe of angels watch over you with abandon.
Oh Christina you have touched my heart with your angel wings. Thank you. I am so sorry to hear about your ex boyfriend and glad your husband is shining brightly. 🦋🩵🫖🌿
Your words are so moving and beautiful, must have been so difficult to put down in writing, so many emotions with such honesty, Re-living such a really traumatic time, alone during Covid. Sarah was an angel and such a rock but it must have been so hard for her waiting outside, so cruel. Thank you for sharing and hopefully helping someone else going through this. XXX
I'm pouring the tea and reflecting on your beautiful words about such trauma. Thank you for helping me to consider how we support each other in times of need xx
Oh lovely Mel. What a truly strong person you are. I wept reading this. I have no idea where you found that strength, how you kept putting one foot in front of the other but you did. I am truly thankful that you did and that you have found the strength to share the trauma with such clarity to give insight to those of us who are bystanders. Sending you so much love. Xxxx
MeI I had no idea of the horror and trauma you went through. Your words- so carefully chosen and so moving. You are a strong ,inspirational and beautiful lady. You are truly amazing -as is Sarah. I'm glad you have each other. Sending love and hugs always 💙🌈💙xxx
Daring Mel, Your writing is so eloquent and vivid. Thank you for having the strength and courage to share your horrendous, turbulent, emotional journey. I'm sure it helps others find self-expression. Tim had major heart surgery during Covid and the distance was so painful. You are an inspiring light, and you and Sarah are beautiful inside and out. You've helped me to decide to write to process my trauma. Tea soon, lovely. X
Dearest you, I remember so well Tim’s operation and the horror of you not being able to visit. It felt so cruel. It takes time to be ready to write I feel. Glad now feels right. 🩵🫖🦋
Ah Mel, such trauma you have experienced. Recording this takes courage but you have managed to do this so eloquently. The big C changes everything doesn't it.
Oh man, nothing I could possibly say can come close to what you have been through. But you are still here. And you are making a difference to so many people. I’m one of them. God bless you 🙏🫶
Dean, thank you. Truly. The connection with others means everything. It’s why I write these painful words. I send you all the positive vibes and high fives. 🩵🦋🫖
Darling Mel, yet again, I am in awe of your ability to write with such visceral clarity, about such a traumatic part of your life.
I realise now that although I knew a version of what was happening through the wall, my understanding was no where close to the actual horror you were experiencing.
You survived, your beauty shines on, and all of us that know and love you, thank the universe, the gods and of course our amazing NHS x
Dearest you. I am glad to share it with you. It has taken this long to articulate it to myself. It is important to me personally and to the mission to spread awareness. 🩵🩵
Dearest Mel, Your wonderful heartfelt description of those awful side effects really resonates. Sending you and Sarah much love and feelgood wishes x
Whilst enduring chemo I read a great article with a quote which really struck me with its accuracy;
"There is a reason for this inarticulacy. Human beings have had no historical need to evolve language applicable to the sensation of being systematically poisoned. Such a vocabulary has never before been necessary, so it does not exist. Chemotherapy patients are therefore obliged to deploy a limited repertoire of familiar but hopelessly inadequate substitutes; words that can only approximate to the experience, but fail to convey anything of its true essence. So we say that we are tired, and feel weak; that we have no energy, or feel somehow unrecognisably unlike ourselves. What we really mean – and this doesn’t capture it either, but it’s the best I can do – is that we feel dead without having actually died. Chemotherapy strips away every last ounce of vitality or volition, until you are left only with the outward appearance of a living person. But you are a hollow husk, empty of all the essential constituents that make a person alive. It is a cruel irony that a drug designed to stop you dying makes you feel as if you have." (Decca Aitkenhead).
Here is a link to her poignant article:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/jun/03/how-to-get-through-chemotherapy-decca-aitkenhead-cancer-treatment
Jackie. Gosh. This is the essence of the living dying that we experience. I would say ‘feel’ but we do not feel. Crikey. What a shambles chemo is. Thank you so very much for your experienced response, your words and above all your friendship. 🙏🏽
Dear Mel
Every one of your tales about your ordeal is heart wrenching, especially for those of us who have experienced VERY similar ones in our loved ones. (an ex boyfriend, first. Then, my husband). The former passed away, the latter is alive, happy and shining just like you, and this is what I find so moving and touching, too: that you are here, shining, alive and bubbling with new hope and life! Stay positive and let a tribe of angels watch over you with abandon.
Oh Christina you have touched my heart with your angel wings. Thank you. I am so sorry to hear about your ex boyfriend and glad your husband is shining brightly. 🦋🩵🫖🌿
Dear Mel,
Your words are so moving and beautiful, must have been so difficult to put down in writing, so many emotions with such honesty, Re-living such a really traumatic time, alone during Covid. Sarah was an angel and such a rock but it must have been so hard for her waiting outside, so cruel. Thank you for sharing and hopefully helping someone else going through this. XXX
angel at my side. We need a tribe of love to endure suffering. Love to all in yours.
Stunning. Devastating. Incredible. A huge gift to recall and record this for us - your loved ones, friends and readers. ❤️
Ah Celia; yes, devastating for so many people. And also life-saving. Ooofffff. Sending love. 🩵🩵
I'm pouring the tea and reflecting on your beautiful words about such trauma. Thank you for helping me to consider how we support each other in times of need xx
Tea - always a time for reflection. Thank you Anna for your kind words. Clinking my teacup. 🩵
Dearest friend, this was so hard to read. I’m so sorry you went through this hell xxxxx
Thank you darling friend. 🩵🩵
Oh lovely Mel. What a truly strong person you are. I wept reading this. I have no idea where you found that strength, how you kept putting one foot in front of the other but you did. I am truly thankful that you did and that you have found the strength to share the trauma with such clarity to give insight to those of us who are bystanders. Sending you so much love. Xxxx
Oh Jilly. I felt your love then and I feel it now. Thank you. 🕊️🫖🩵
Thanks so much Mel… Your writings are very powerful… Don’t stop sharing your experience with all of us, and of course, never stop the kettle ❤️😍
Thank you dear friend. You are so much part of the healing. 🕊️🫖🫶🏽🍀🦋
❤️ 🙏
MeI I had no idea of the horror and trauma you went through. Your words- so carefully chosen and so moving. You are a strong ,inspirational and beautiful lady. You are truly amazing -as is Sarah. I'm glad you have each other. Sending love and hugs always 💙🌈💙xxx
Dear Debbie, thank you for kindness and constancy. It means much. Sarah feels it too. 🫖🕊️🌿
Sending love to you gorgeous two ❤️❤️
Daring Mel, Your writing is so eloquent and vivid. Thank you for having the strength and courage to share your horrendous, turbulent, emotional journey. I'm sure it helps others find self-expression. Tim had major heart surgery during Covid and the distance was so painful. You are an inspiring light, and you and Sarah are beautiful inside and out. You've helped me to decide to write to process my trauma. Tea soon, lovely. X
Dearest you, I remember so well Tim’s operation and the horror of you not being able to visit. It felt so cruel. It takes time to be ready to write I feel. Glad now feels right. 🩵🫖🦋
Love and hugs and tea needed after reading this. Hope writing this has been cathartic Mel xxx
Tea. Solace for us all. Thank you Amy, yes cathartic and also important to offer a window into what so many people deal with. 🫖🩵🦋
Weeping. Humbled. You are so special. Knew it from day one. May the mint green teapot pour oodles of strength and comfort x
Dearest you. Suffering is part of being on the planet but thank gawd so is laughter. As Missus Obama said yesterday, “Hope is making a comeback”. 🙌🏽
I’m really enjoying the rally. Thought Waltz was superb. Love that he’s a teacher obvz xx
Ah Mel, such trauma you have experienced. Recording this takes courage but you have managed to do this so eloquently. The big C changes everything doesn't it.
Sending love ❤️
Thank you dear Karen. I know you know. Love love 🫖🩵
Your writing is exquisite. I’m reading and then re reading just for the beauty of your sentences albeit about a very not beautiful situation x
Thank you for reading and writing back dearest Elizabeth. 🫖🩵
Oh man, nothing I could possibly say can come close to what you have been through. But you are still here. And you are making a difference to so many people. I’m one of them. God bless you 🙏🫶
Dean, thank you. Truly. The connection with others means everything. It’s why I write these painful words. I send you all the positive vibes and high fives. 🩵🦋🫖